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"Roger that... coming in for a landing...."


- one donated 3.5 pound, partly-thawed capon "with some parts missing."

- a bunch of spices in the spice drawer and two carrots, two potatoes, and one onion in the bin.

Step 1: 
Look up "capon" on Google to discover it is a "castrated domestic cock fattened for eating." Hmph.

Step 2: 
Find zero "capon" recipes in the crock pot cookbook. Decide that a "whole chicken" recipe would probably work.

Step 3: 
Locate a "Simple, Delicious Crock Pot Chicken" recipe. Study the recipe. Rejoice that a) you have all the requisite ingredients and b) it needs only "10 minutes" of prep time, followed by "8 to 10 hours on low." 

Don't let the innocent look fool you.

Step 4:
Notice that the recipe requires "washing the bird," including "washing out the cavity and patting the chicken dry."

Ewww.  There were some nasties in the "cavity" but with some serious yanking and pulling, I got them out. 

Step 5: 
"Rub the entire bird with olive oil." (Didn't say how much, so I went with the heretofore effective "one blub.")

Step 6:
Nearly at the end of the "rub" step, suddenly lose your grip on said bird, allowing it to fly at approximately 50 MPH across the countertop, bouncing once on the stuff in the sink, before slamming to a halt pretty much on the other end of the food prep area.

Step 7:
Check to make sure no one saw that...

Step 8: 
Given the capon's flight path, decide it needs a cleaning before it can again be considered an edible item. 

Attempt to pick up the bird. Too slippery. Resort to using about 2 yards of paper towels to wrap the "oily bird" (pun there...)

Lug the "castrated domestic cock fattened for eating" back across the kitchen to the work counter.

Remind self that because of the molecular bonding properties of oils versus water, it is REALLY HARD to wash an oily capon without soap.... but...

Recognize that soap probably will not be appropriate for capon washing either.

Step 9: 
Wrestle the now wet and oily capon back onto the plate and coat it a second time in (1/2 "blub") of olive oil.

Step 10: 
Stare at oil-coated bird, hands, forearms, (a lot of) paper towels, paper towel holder, faucet handle, sink, trash can, countertop, cabinet, and shirt. Use another 2 yards of paper towels to absorb most of the oil. 

Haul the crock pot over and jam the feisty ol'  bird on top of the (quartered) potatoes and onions. It's a tight fit. 

Add a bunch of spices. 

Step 11:
Set the capon to cookin'. 

Step 12:
Clean the kitchen. 

Step 13: 
Sister Diane G. taught me to take notes in the cookbook for future reference.

Cross out "10 minutes prep time." Write in "40 minutes of aerobic exercise."

Step 14:
Wait 8 more hours.

Step 15:

Wow, you can hardly see the bruises, either!

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