Local Nun Adds Bat Removal to her Resume

Bat Number Two contemplates the carpet
before flying out the open back door.

[Middle of the Prairie, May 18, 2020]

Sister Patrice Colletti, an intrepid member of the Sisters of the Divine Savior missioned to the remote town of Sisseton, South Dakota, serves on the Lake Traverse Reservation. As the sun sets on yet another spring day of COVID 19 stay-at-home, her day job as a teacher ends. Each night she dons gloves and bravely takes a stick in hand. Beneath a gaping hole in the convent ceiling, she captures and then releases an insectivore species of brown bat (Eptesicus fuscus) that is well known for its capabilities as an aerial acrobat and clever crack-hiding artist.

“We’ve had a leak of yucky brown water for years,” she said. “I’ve learned to live with wet ceiling tiles, damp carpeting, and ever-present hallway buckets,” she noted. “But chasing bats as an evening recreational activity gets old rather quickly.”

Bat Number Three displays his/her
wingspan. Bats are the only mammals
capable of flight without an airplane.

Big Brown Bats and their relatives Little Brown Myotis and Hoary Bats are some of the 13 bat species found in South Dakota. They roost in barns, buildings (and convents.) take up residence in barns, silos, and churches. Also, this bat has been found roosting in storm sewers, expansion joint spaces in concrete athletic stadiums, and copper minesbbrns,In addition to flying confusingly in convent hallways and bedrooms, Big Brown Bats also do fun things like build maternity roosts (to raise their baby bats, obviously) and catch their weight in insects. 

Big Brown Bats are hearty animals, capable of overwintering in hibernation, much like the human residents of South Dakota. In the wild, they can live up till 19 years, as long as they consistently wear their long underwear, bat mittens, and cozy little socks. In convent hallways, their life expectancy varies and seems to depend on the human’s tolerance for evening athletics.

“Holey hallway” contributes to the flying
mammal challenge. Current rate of
bats per evening is three.



In a recent email to her landlord she explained that “… while I love bats- probably even more than the average nun- I don’t love chasing them up and down the hallway to try to capture them in an overturned container.” 

“All bats need a place to hang around. I respect that. I just wish it wasn’t in our convent.”

Contributions to the Bat Relocation Fund can be given via check and PayPal. Chocolate chip cookies or other yummy treats are also accepted. Contact Sr. Patrice for shipping information.  ?

[Note for Readers who are confused… this is a fake news article. The bats are real, and cookies or other yummy treats are really welcome.]

  Eptesicus fuscus has a more tolerant constitution so it can winter in less substantial structures. Besides human dwellings, it has been found to take up residence in barns, silos, and churches. Also, this bat has been found roosting in storm sewers, expansion joint spaces in concrete athletic stadiums, and copper mines (Baker 1983).Eptesicus fuscus has a more tolerant constitution so it can winter in less substantial structures. Besides human dwellings, it has been found to take up residence in barns, silos, and churches. Also, this bat has been found roosting in storm sewers, expansion joint spaces in concrete athletic stadiums, and copper mines (Baker 1983). Eptesicus fuscus has a more tolerant constitution so it can winter in less substantial structures. Besides human dwellings, it has been found to take up residence in barns, silos, and churches. Also, this bat has been found roosting in storm sewers, expansion joint spaces in concrete athletic stadiums, and copper mines (Baker 1983).